You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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