Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
