I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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