dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
