spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
