Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
