Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
