i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
