I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
