Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
