At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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