it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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