Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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