she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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