i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
