Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
