I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
