I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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