Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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