Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
