put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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