im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm having to shit out rocks
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
