If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
