What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
