Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
