smell my finger.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
