Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
