Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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