I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
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