I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
