Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
