Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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