I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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