I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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