last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
foreskin is a definite game changer
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
