So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
