I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
