If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sorry about my life...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize