Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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