I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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