if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
