i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He shit in the fireplace
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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