I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
