You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
