why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
