Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
