I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
