so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
