they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
