Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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