I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
