Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
