I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
