i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
