How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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