I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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