My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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