When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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