Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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