don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
