So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
